Dating Dr. Bluma
So I was set up with a girl named Bluma. I was a little hesitant to go out with her because it seemed she was a little too serious for me. Anyway, I didn't sense any great spark, but I figured it was owed to her and the shatchans (my rebbitzen Chani) that I go out with her. We grabbed a beer at St. Nicks pub. No sparks there either. I waited almost an entire week before writing her back. Bad form on my part - here's the correspondence that followed.
8/18/2005 3:59:35 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, David Kopp writes:
Howdy,
Sorry it's taken me so long! I was dealing with a bit of a car fiasco. So I was worried that I'd feel too brother/sister with you and it happened! Both my parents are psychologists and my mom's hebrew name is Bluma! Probably didn't have anything to do with it... I feel like we connected by not neccessarily romantically. I think at our age it's gotta feel like a pow! I'm assuming you're as picky about that as I am since I can't otherwise figure why you're still single. not flattery. It was awesome hearing about your family and your journey though which was really incredible and it's always good to connect with another BT!
Anyway, write back if you're inclined,
David
8/18/2005 00:00:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, Bluma Halston writes:
David, First let me say that I enjoyed meeting you. You have a natural sense of humor and a cute sense of style. I did not feel "brotherly" about you, as you shared with me, but I think having feedback helps so I want to share what I had concerns about regarding you as well. I think that chivalry goes a long way, perhaps it is the southerner in me, I'm not sure, but walking a lady to her car or letting her down or asking her out (respectively) in a reasonable amount of time says something about a man's character. I would imagine it could be explained in your "scatterbrained" nature, something that can be truly admired in an artist, but can be selfish in a relationship. Looking for the "pow" is a western idea, something that I think is important, but can be missed without careful evaluation. It is clear to me that we are not a match, but it is the standard, fyi, to go out a second time if there is enough there to make sure that the first date wasn't a fluke--either in a good way or bad. So, I give you a bracha that you have clarity of mind and heart to find your bashert in the right time.
Sincerely,
Bluma
8/19/2005 10:08:41 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time, David Kopp writes:
Thanks for the feedback. I need it. I'm not experienced in dating, secular or frum. I'm especially uncomfortable with the frum way of being set up but it's a part of life that I need to get used to because it's very worthwhile! My inexperience leaves me unclear about such things as what the "reasonable amount of time" is for asking out again and letting down, though I'm sure it's earlier than when I last wrote you so for that I appologize. What would you say is reasonable? Is a more lengthy, serious explanation a better way to decline a second date? (If you really want to help, I'd appreciate it - if not I toootally understand.)
Anyway, to be clear on the feedback, I'm confused with the sentence about chivalry which seemed to express appreciation for my walking you to your car but then it seemed you were saying that true chivalry would have been to walk you to your car and then decline a second date or ask you out. Meaning, if I'm asking you out I can take more time, but letting you down should be done ASAP. Wasn't clear on that until I wrote it out just now, but that seems to make a whole lot of sense.
Maybe the "pow" is a western idea, but it's real to me. Perhaps a lonely life and missed opportunity (G-d forbid) is the price I pay for being a brainwashed romantic. Then again maybe I shouldn't have said "pow" because I'm not so naive to beleive that love will instantly turn on. I do know myself though and something does switch in me.
Then again, I always liked the school environment because you could learn about a person and be around them allowing an attraction to grow. With my limited time (everyones limited time) that's not really possible as adults - we have to go on gut/head feeling to a degree. You're already sure we're not a good match after one date as well (or one delayed response), so there you have it! You have to make your best guess and decide that I may be (and I may be) selfish in a relationship! Aaah dating. Aint it great? (ugh)
Anyway, I could write about this stuff for hours but I'd probably be boring you to tears, or is that kind of explanation in order? I honestly don't know, but I'm willing to chat on if you think it is. One girl declined me with an auto response on frumster.com. I thought that was lame! Anyway, again - I appologize for not getting back to you sooner. Best of clarity to you in your search as well and may your journey to your Basheret also be enjoyable.
Good Shabbos,
David
Fri, 19 Aug 2005 09:11:33 -0700 (PDT) Bluma Haston writes:
Wow, yeah, you could use a few book recommendations. You might think of talking to your Rebbetzin.Shabbat Shalom,Bluma
8/19/2005 10:08:41 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time, David Kopp writes:
ha. not the response I was expecting from you. I'll ask my Rebbetzin about the books. David
8/18/2005 3:59:35 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, David Kopp writes:
Howdy,
Sorry it's taken me so long! I was dealing with a bit of a car fiasco. So I was worried that I'd feel too brother/sister with you and it happened! Both my parents are psychologists and my mom's hebrew name is Bluma! Probably didn't have anything to do with it... I feel like we connected by not neccessarily romantically. I think at our age it's gotta feel like a pow! I'm assuming you're as picky about that as I am since I can't otherwise figure why you're still single. not flattery. It was awesome hearing about your family and your journey though which was really incredible and it's always good to connect with another BT!
Anyway, write back if you're inclined,
David
8/18/2005 00:00:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, Bluma Halston writes:
David, First let me say that I enjoyed meeting you. You have a natural sense of humor and a cute sense of style. I did not feel "brotherly" about you, as you shared with me, but I think having feedback helps so I want to share what I had concerns about regarding you as well. I think that chivalry goes a long way, perhaps it is the southerner in me, I'm not sure, but walking a lady to her car or letting her down or asking her out (respectively) in a reasonable amount of time says something about a man's character. I would imagine it could be explained in your "scatterbrained" nature, something that can be truly admired in an artist, but can be selfish in a relationship. Looking for the "pow" is a western idea, something that I think is important, but can be missed without careful evaluation. It is clear to me that we are not a match, but it is the standard, fyi, to go out a second time if there is enough there to make sure that the first date wasn't a fluke--either in a good way or bad. So, I give you a bracha that you have clarity of mind and heart to find your bashert in the right time.
Sincerely,
Bluma
8/19/2005 10:08:41 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time, David Kopp writes:
Thanks for the feedback. I need it. I'm not experienced in dating, secular or frum. I'm especially uncomfortable with the frum way of being set up but it's a part of life that I need to get used to because it's very worthwhile! My inexperience leaves me unclear about such things as what the "reasonable amount of time" is for asking out again and letting down, though I'm sure it's earlier than when I last wrote you so for that I appologize. What would you say is reasonable? Is a more lengthy, serious explanation a better way to decline a second date? (If you really want to help, I'd appreciate it - if not I toootally understand.)
Anyway, to be clear on the feedback, I'm confused with the sentence about chivalry which seemed to express appreciation for my walking you to your car but then it seemed you were saying that true chivalry would have been to walk you to your car and then decline a second date or ask you out. Meaning, if I'm asking you out I can take more time, but letting you down should be done ASAP. Wasn't clear on that until I wrote it out just now, but that seems to make a whole lot of sense.
Maybe the "pow" is a western idea, but it's real to me. Perhaps a lonely life and missed opportunity (G-d forbid) is the price I pay for being a brainwashed romantic. Then again maybe I shouldn't have said "pow" because I'm not so naive to beleive that love will instantly turn on. I do know myself though and something does switch in me.
Then again, I always liked the school environment because you could learn about a person and be around them allowing an attraction to grow. With my limited time (everyones limited time) that's not really possible as adults - we have to go on gut/head feeling to a degree. You're already sure we're not a good match after one date as well (or one delayed response), so there you have it! You have to make your best guess and decide that I may be (and I may be) selfish in a relationship! Aaah dating. Aint it great? (ugh)
Anyway, I could write about this stuff for hours but I'd probably be boring you to tears, or is that kind of explanation in order? I honestly don't know, but I'm willing to chat on if you think it is. One girl declined me with an auto response on frumster.com. I thought that was lame! Anyway, again - I appologize for not getting back to you sooner. Best of clarity to you in your search as well and may your journey to your Basheret also be enjoyable.
Good Shabbos,
David
Fri, 19 Aug 2005 09:11:33 -0700 (PDT) Bluma Haston writes:
Wow, yeah, you could use a few book recommendations. You might think of talking to your Rebbetzin.Shabbat Shalom,Bluma
8/19/2005 10:08:41 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time, David Kopp writes:
ha. not the response I was expecting from you. I'll ask my Rebbetzin about the books. David
posted by David Kopp at 6:08 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home